you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
