Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
