I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
