New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
