I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
