you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
