so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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