I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
