i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
