Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
