Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
