She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
