can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
