Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
