i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
