my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
