You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
