I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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