While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
