He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
