The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
