Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
