so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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