I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
