Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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