i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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