She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
