I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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