so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
