Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
