Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
