So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
