ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
