My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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