No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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