The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
