we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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