It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
