Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
