I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
