guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
