dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
