I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
