Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
