Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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