WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
