dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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