Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
