just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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