We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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