stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
