I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
