Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
