i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Alive.
So much puke
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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