oh god the rape fog is back!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
